Bitter

to the friends who abandoned me

to the friends I spoke to for years over the phone’
lamenting our shared loneliness
our unfaithful lovers ‘
our common fears

to the friends I confessed my
deepest fears
gnawing anxiety
greatest failures
big terrible secret sins to
in scary vulnerable moments of terrifying honesty

to whom I bared my hideous soul scars
and ugly warts
and creepy crevices
messy closets
cluttered attics
messed up drawers
broken furniture

broken me

too bad.
too bad
you couldn’t stay for the finish
too bad
you had to look away
too bad you turned away in
cowardice
fear
judgement
self righteousness
ignorance
busy-ness
self-centeredness

too bad you unfriended me
blocked me
ignored me
bid mutual friends to ‘pray’ for me
while you called it prayer requests/concerns
but it was really nasty gossip

too bad you couldn’t see
resurrection
deliverance
restoration’
hope rising
beauty from ashes


you couldn’t stick around
till Christ be formed in me
for how all things are made new
to witness the restoration of all things
how all things work together for my good
how He who begun a good work in me will complete it

cause now it is here. Friday is over and Sunday is here.
I will celebrate without you. I once was lost but now I’m found
and I won’t lament those who couldn’t stick around to see the grave clothes
abandoned in the empty tomb.

I won’t make that mistake again.
I thought you could.
wait.
sit with me in my pain.
but I mistook you for someone else.

just thought you’d want to know
the valley sucked. but the
mountain.
oh, my dear.
the mountain is lovely.
wish you could have been here

Marsha Hedrick
the 3am poet